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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

What SHE wrote.

Imagine what i felt (years ago) when i read this. Broke my heart - real deep. And the scars are still fresh.

She wrote. And she deleted it. I copied it. Kept in my Gmail.

I have no idea why on earth i am still keeping it.

Simple. Forgiven but not forgotten.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

When I wrote that e-mail it was out of guilt, because I had wrongly perceived what was going on at that time. However, as expected, my good intentions were seen somehow as a bad thing. Honestly, I have no idea how that went about, as if she had read carefully the e-mail, there was nothing to "buy" out of it. There's nothing in it for me. I just wanted to save others from being hurt in the future, her included.

Oh, on a funnier note too.
Even at this point, (when he drove in earlier this morning) when I mentioned to him about her response, asked him about the "no advisors" that she said he mentioned..
he still denied having to know anything of any SMS-es or e-mails. Despite her clearly saying that he read the mail too, and despite her clearly writing that "as he said, we don't need any advisors". I directly asked him, "so then are you calling her a liar?" to which he said "i'm not calling her anything, but i'm telling you i've never read any e-mail or any sms. Both the phones were with her at that time,"

So at this point it's her word against his.
Frankly I'd rather much trust her compared to him. After all, he doesn't exactly have the best track record. Who promised me that in the end I'd be the only one he'd be coming back to? And I bet my life that he'd once promised her that she was the only one and that he'd never cheat on her. And even when the truth stuck clearly out : like when he told her he didn't know his picture got taken, when I clearly asked him before i took it and he consented - oh, but then again, at that point he did mention (after I cornered him) that he lied because he didn't want to have to deal it. Oh, and I bet she doesn't know that a week before their engagement when we hugged I asked him again and yet he still denied the engagement. And even after they got back and he got back to work he had the nerve to carry on with the lie and say that it had all been planned out for him and that he didn't know what to expect. (which was what I had believed all along, only until recently when I found out the truth).

Oh well, if she's reading this, I hope she understands. I'm not trying to break you and him up. And I'm not trying to "sell" you anything either. I'm not advising you, I couldn't care less about you. Or him anymore. But it's a win-win situation. Be with him. Don't let him go astray. What's in it for me? nothing.. except for the fact that I don't want any other woman to be hurt like how I was hurt in this process, and you can't deny the fact that in the process you were hurt as well. Revenge is sweet, but I believe that karma will take care of that. Which is why, I guess, at the end of the day it doesn't matter who is lying to whom, because at the very end, the truth always prevails.

Oh and for whatever it's worth, I maintain my innocence. Before I went out with him, I asked him about his girlfriend. (and I assume that would be you, circa august - september 2007?) And he asked me if I wanted to see your picture. And you know what picture he sent? A picture of Roxy in a cage.

When I finally did find out about you, we hadn't started going out yet. He said he rarely met you anyway. And trust me, as horrible a person as I may be, I would never have went out with him had he suggested we sneak around your back, or something in the lines of "no one's going to know about it". But he told me that "he'd take care of it". That he'd broken up with you. That you were the one who didn't want to listen, you were the one still hanging on. And he promised me forever too. And trust me, not a day goes by that I don't regret trusting him instead of trusting you. All these months, I trusted him when I should have just trusted you. Believing that he was being forced into living a life that he didn't want. But that's all over now.

Which is why I sent you that e-mail. Not to break you up, I know you love him enough to close an eye to any wrong that he does, after all he did and you still love him enough to marry him - that's a really strong (albeit weird) thing to do. But I sent it so no other women can be hurt by him again. Keep your man with you, don't give him the opportunity to hurt you again. I totally understand why you would think I have bad intentions, but trust me, there is nothing in it for me, whichever way I chose - so at least this is my shot at trying to redeem myself.