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Monday, September 27, 2010

Waltzing with the Cranberries

For the past 2 weeks, i have been listening to The Cranberries songs. But due to not-known problem with Brenda's CD player in her car, i only manage to hear about 6 songs in the CD. never really get to listen the whole CD. I wish i knew the problem.

The Cranberries - i just love their music. will always be. Many of their tracks are my favorite! I'm sooo in love with this Irish band, til now. Forever!

I have all the albums (Bob downloaded all of them... for me xoxo). Going to ask him to make me a Mp3 for all Cranberries' album. I miss Cranberries sooooo much.

How can u ever forget this wonderful song? The Cranberries - When You're Gone

The Cranberries introduced themselves to me with this song - Ode to my Family

I love this unplugged version - Zombie

Dolores O'Riordan said, this was her FIRST KISS. Well, mine too! Linger.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

dark hole

My biggest regret was when we lost our Rottweiler, Rocco. He was barely 4 months old, and we lost him. It happened to me once, I lost Chopper few years ago because of Parvovirus... and i took that as a lesson, me and Bob have a very healthy female Rottweiler, Roxy. She is now coming to 5 years old.

Me and my father bought a puppy Rottweiler for $700 a few months ago. Not cheap. i know. The lady said she had just vaccinated the puppy the day before. She gave the health card to me. His next jap for vaccine would be in couple of months.

Yet i didn't bring him to the vet. Why did I repeat the same mistake all over again?!


I hate myself the day he died. 16th September 2010.

This is just something that i will never forgive myself.

I lost 2 dogs because of this deadly virus. I know the dangerous level of this virus and yet i didn't do what i was supposed to do.

This virus is a number 1 enemy for Rotts. In 3 days, this virus alone could kill a Rott.

I've never seen my father so angry and hurt because of my foolish mistake. In 7 years, no one has ever blamed me over something but this time - it did hit me BIG time.

I can't cry, and i can't even voice out. I was so ANGRY with myself. I feel like jumping out from the car whilst my father driving it.

I don't blamed him being that angry towards me. He loves the dog dearly...

I hope to replace him another Rott. Been looking all over KK for a Rott pups.

And i don't mind spending huge $, again. I'll replace, and i will not EVER AGAIN repeat the same mistake.

RIP Rocco. Please come back into our lives again... we want the SAME you.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

a very fine story by Stephanie Halmilton.

The last time i remembered crying over reading a book was while reading P.S I Love You by Cecilia Ahern. I thought, man, that was so touching as if i was really watching everything LIVE from that book! I cried. And when i mistakenly flipped the previously page that i've read, i cried again.

And today i came across to another story, short story yet very inspiring. It was posted by Gfrendz.com.

Believe it or not, I CRIED AGAIN! over this very SHORT STORY...!

Please read....

(An inspiring story by Stephanie Halmilton)

This is a very touching and sad, true story about a man who was seeing another woman, and wanting to divorce his wife, after 10 years of marriage. The heartbroken wife agrees with the divorce on one weird condition; to stay with her one more month and carry her out of the house like he did on their wedding day, every day for one month.

This is how the story goes…

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.– At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband….