Accidently in Love

What is there to tell?

Love and friendship. It is more complicated compared to a normal relationship.

Friends - you get to talk whatever you want without any hesitation. Laugh out loud you can.

But once it turned into a relationship - gosh, it will ruin the whole beautiful things. All of sudden, secrets are getting in a way. No more telling the truth. To keep each other happy, it's better to be silent.

I used to have a very good friend - long time ago. Somehow, we became closer and closer, ended up in a relationship with each other. Well, it's good to have a boyfriend who used to be your best buddy before, but, to tell you the truth, somehow along the way, we also build a very long border between us. I hate to say this, but i kind of missing the old days of us. I love him still, though. But the feeling is getting old. We are both getting old, fun is never really matters anymore. Now it's all about 'getting old' together.

I don't like it. I wish he's more like the guy i love in TV shows, romantic and caring. He used to be that guy before.

It doesn't really matter anymore. After all, he's all i've got. If i was to find another person, that would be very hard for me to start all over again. I don't wish to make my life harder so i am thankful with whom i with right now (although, i hope a little more from this relationship).

And i have this very good friend of mine. I have a very special feeling towards him. We still have a good chat whenever we bumped into each other. For 8 years, knowing him is the best part in my life! For years, he has been there through my ups and downs. I was there during his too. God knows, we still care about each other.

I bid my another farewell to him, recently. I put my hand around his arm and we walked together - talked about all littlest unimportant things. As we reached the corner pathway to my office, we both gave a good hug. That was the second farewell we did in 2 years.

I love him - friendly love. I can't hope more than that. Our friendly love is enough to make us both happy. We are best to be just friend. It is not really a good idea falling for your best buddy. Thank God, i limit my feeling towards him. But still, he has a special place here in my heart. Always.

I want to leave it that way because i don't want to ruin anymore friendship like i did before. i never regret what i've ruined before, in fact, i'm still with him. I just hope we could get back to the old time fun like we used to have before.

Xoxo

What is a friend?

So, i read something from my dear friend's blog. Something about her good friend, said something painful (involved her mother) right to her face! Geez! That 'friend' was lucky enough i was not there, or else, surely she'd get one BIG PUNCH from me as a reminder present.

I hope my friend is over this now, there's nothing to think about whatever she said. It's useless. You have a good life now, cherish that with people you love most - family!

It's painful enough to have someone close to you said something bad about anything that relates to you, even worse to have it said face to face.

I remember long time ago, during my MAS years. It's a big community, when you talk about big community, imagine the 'politics'!

It was early in the morning, and a few of us were having breakfast at McD and we were talking about AA, about how he managed the flight rosters and all.

So, me being the open minded person, jokingly said this , 'Alaa... susah betul la dia tu, pagi pagi muka dah macam hantu, tak nak senyum, muka bengis.'

We laughed and added few more jokes about this person AA.

Then, this senior lady, BB, who was with us and enjoying the jokes, replied to me, 'Dia tu dari zaman Subang memang muka dah macam hantu.'

And we laughed again. Something to cheer our days, i guess.

Then i realized, whenever this AA handled the flight roster, i never get my Overtime. But with other officer, my overtime request is approved. Hey, come on, something fishy here. I told my Sarawakian friend about this, he realized it too! I was like, nahhhh... forget it!

I was not happy and so is my Sarawakian friend. Because we always did overtime together and since mine is not approved, he had to do overtime all by himself. So, he approached AA, 'Apasal u tak bagi Darlene ot? U ade problem ke ngan die?'

And then, believe it or not, AA replied, 'Habis tu, dia cakap saya ni pagi pagi muka macam hantu!'.

Wohohohoooo....! And this friend came to me and told me of AA reply. I was like, my goodness, who told him this? Jokes were meant to be left on that breakfast table! So, i was angry and was really looking to WHO told him the joke. Then i found out, it was the senior lady BB who told him all that. How i know it? Nevermind. I just regret the day i made the joke, she was there.

This AA wasn't talking to me. So, i didn't get to explain myself. But i did send a very long SMS to him. I also mentioned, 'The one gave you this information, she was there. Not only sat there with us, she also gave her 'hantu' jokes about you.' But most of my SMS was about, who are you to stop me from doing overtime which is not right at all. I know you are the supervisor, but you have no right to do just that, all because you have a personal problem me. Totally not professional.

Funny thing after my long SMS to him, eventually, i started getting my overtime back. But we never talk to each other since.

Feeling guilty, my Sarawakian friend, asked me.... , 'Darlene, why on earth did you send him the SMS?'.

I answered, 'I had to. I mean, he's getting personal there. Why? How did you know i sent him SMS?'.

He replied, 'Oh, he stopped me the other day... and AA said - Nape u bagitau Darlene? Tengok apa dia SMS dekat i.'

I giggled. Because in the end AA felt guilty about the whole thing.

Me, feeling guilty? Nope. Not even a scratch.

To AA, we could have been friends but thanks to BB. You deserved a friendship from BB. You and me have no good chemistry together.

Up till i tendered my resignation letter to MAS, we never talk to each other. But a lot of anger stories between me and him. We never really get along at work.

Last month, i saw AA at Tesco Nilai. I saw him clearly but he was walking fast avoiding me. I guess he saw me first before i did. He was carrying a pale and a very long stick, could be a broom or a mop, he just bought.

Obviously, he was avoiding me. Too bad, i saw him! Hihihi...