Reality

I have no idea what really made me moved back to my hometown. After seeing almost everyone in the family hates my presence, I totally have no clue what made me actually.

I somehow become the 'wrong' person when I thought I was doing something right. Lately, I am always the Wrong Wrong Wrong person, or should I just say it as what my father thought of me - well, according to him, I'm not a good person. I cried the whole day when my youngest sister informed me that.

Why do I have this family problem all of sudden? Is it because I'm that person who is strict, not into socializing, doesn't joke around, takes thing or matter seriously? But above all that, I'm doing my best to please everyone. Yet, to someone, I am the black ones.

I can't really tell what and what or how and how or even why and why. The truth is I was never given the chance to say what I'm feeling. The worst thing is that someone was already there to explain completely the opposite! And that is what made everyone looked at me like I'm some criminal.

All I can do now is keep quite to not make things even worst. Even communications have to be limited, I guess. Obviously, it is not going to be the same again.

My husband said, let it be and there is no need to clarify myself because I would only be wasting my time. He is right. Honestly, it is not a wise decision to redeem my pride especially from my own family. Sooner or later they will find out themselves. I don't need to do that for them, I had enough actually pointing fingers.

The worst thing of all is that I'm having all this problem while I'm in my early pregnancy! There's a lot crying and stressful feeling than joy.

But I thank God everyday, that I have Him to lead me and a few supports from my mother and youngest sister and of course, my husband - the best listener ever.

May I will not be seen as black as what they have heard from - I decided not to mention the name here. And despite all that sadness I'm feeling, me and my baby will be as happy as we can be and healthy!